Baby is born SHOCK!

Do ‘Royal’ babies come from Fortnum & Mason?

GET THIS! Privileged aristocratic couple have baby. ‘Knock me down with a feather’; prepare for a thousand more clichés. We are already being told by the likes of Nicholas (‘brown-nose’/tug-my-forelock) Witchell, BBC royal correspondent, that the new princess is fourth in line to the throne. Proof, once again, that the BBC is not run by a tightly knit but deranged Trotskyist cell.

What if the princess were to grow up and decide for herself that she didn’t want to be in line for any inherited privilege? Would the BBC be interviewing her about why she might think that a hereditary head of state was undemocratic? I wait with bated breath.

The socialist left — radical, revolutionary; which ever ‘moniker’ you prefer — has a lot to get its head around. How about inefficient left; they’d get my vote. “I’m sure that there was a piece of paper which said we were going to take [name of industry/service] back into public ownership but I seem to have mislaid it. DAMN!

This is not just about satirical point-scoring. I can do that with my eyes closed; although, on reflection, that is probably not such a sensible way to proceed. I may have to insist that someone contacts my friend KRF, who has experience of helping me out of bizarre predicaments. Of course she may well send in the local feline militia who, after they’ve sniggered into their paws, may take pity on me. They know that if they want to be ‘feline-wood’ stars it’s a two-way street!

“… identify …”

Now where was I? Ah, yes … Identity. It has been a lurking undercurrent to much of the British election discussion. I say “discussion” because, in reality, there has been sod-all debate. Who were we, who are we and who do we want to be? Always a difficult one for me given that I’m half English, half French. “Keep up at the back. I’ve been over this plenty of times.” My British/English identity is not the same as David Cameron’s or Nigel Farage’s. I identify with the Chartists, the Levellers, those who have struggled for social justice. What has Cameron and his ilk struggled for? Their right to line their pockets. Don’t worry; we’re all one happy hard-working family.

Privilege. It’s an interesting concept. A nasty noun [n. right, advantage …]1. It must be really hard work receiving at least £40 million a year, a possible £100 million for security. It’s difficult to get hard facts from a Freedom of Information request if it should involve information about the monarchy and money. Pro-monarchists bleat about how these aristocratic ‘has-beens’ pay their taxes on ‘Royal estates’. They may well pay something but do they pay the ‘full-whack’ and where did they get those estates from? Ouch! When you’re the unelected, hereditary head of state of several off-shore ‘tax havens’ it’s not surprising what money and privilege can’t buy. Charles ‘Black Spider’ Windsor may be the best thing that happened to British republicans. People may begin to realise how ridiculous an unelected head of state is and stop boasting about this country’s democratic credentials. Being a relatively small, peculiarly shaped archipelago off the European mainland is not as bad as the over-privileged, and their ‘hangers-on’, might think. ‘Realpolitik’! You can probably buy it online ✪

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1. Concise Oxford Dictionary, 7th ed., 1982, ISBN 0-19-861131-5
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